I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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