If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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