the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
