just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
