U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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