Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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