____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
