I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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