ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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