All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
