I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
