why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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