Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
