oh god the rape fog is back!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
