you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I want her autograph on my taint
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
