he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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