who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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