With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
