No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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