Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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