I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
