I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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