I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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