It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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