I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
