I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
