Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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