Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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