We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
