The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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