On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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