You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
