I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
