Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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