Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
