The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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