I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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