Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize