YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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