So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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