im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
