Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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