i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
