didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
