Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
