When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
