Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
