Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
