In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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