Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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