So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
