Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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