At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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