you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
