those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
