i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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