Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
