u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
