Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
