i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Randomize
