I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So vagazzling was a success
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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