we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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