It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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