But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize