My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
