That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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