Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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