The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it was like eating out sand paper
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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